It was only an uh oh.... because I really thought I was over him... and im not! HE KNOWS IM NOT which is even worse.... because he used that to mess with my head some more! He did come over... he spent the night.... but it was probably the best time ive ever had with him because we just talked most of the time... we ended up kissing.. alot! Which I thought I would be able to say no to him but I do still love him so much..i just wish things were different! We laughed alot and everything was great! He told me he could picture us being married and blah blah blah.... and that I am everything he wants in a woman and he still has feelings for me but he just didnt know... and im like what the heck??????? it kinda ruined my mood and made me start wondering obviously hes pullin this stuff out of his butt because how is someone everything you want but you dont want it????????? is it because hes not done playin...he wants to see what else is out there!?? and then all day monday and today... IM APISSED at myself for letting things go that far.... no we didnt do anything else like we did before... so im proud of myself for that...but I let him once again get into my head KNOWING that things arent going to be different! now...i have to start back at square one with getting on with my life without him..........it sucks because its like... i want so bad for it to be the story where I changed my life for the lord... and then He changed his life and we just knew it was meant to be....
Its so hard because... i can't understand why after so long and after everything that has happened between us and with me alone, that I still have feelings for this person. The minute I met him, i just knew something was different... I never felt that way about guy... and i still feel that way... He still gives me butterflies! BUT WHY????????????? how is this possible!?? I ask God all the time... whats the purpose of this guy coming in and out of my life.... he either needs to stay or go completely!!!!! I have this question too>>> why after all this time we both still give into each other??? what does that mean?? does it mean, yeah we're for each other... but its god saying its not the right time???? I ponder that question alot!!!
and all of these people who know the story from the beginning sayy He doesnt care about you.... hes playin games to see if he still has you..... and blahh blah blah! Its hard not to believe that.. because i havent heard from him since he left!
I just cant do it to myself anymore........ it hurts... and i hate the way i feel when he leaves!
The wondering if I'm going to hear from him or if things are gonna be different KILLS ME!
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Uh! I absolutely know how you feel. When someone keeps pulling you in, then when they have you, they are not sure.. I am dealing with that right now as well. It's stupid. I have the same thoughts, are we meant to be? But maybe we are not because he keeps doing this to me and I keep being hurt. So finally I decided, If someone loves me, they will always love me. They wont be able to let me go, and If they don't, I can't make them!! I have to live my life, because he is not caring if I have had a good day. He is prob doing whatever whenever. Here I am stressed out about it, nope.. Life is too short, and I am short on time to be dealing with people who aren't sure they want to be In My life.. I need to worry about the ones, who do want to be here..! :) Have a good day!! Post pics of your hair dyed dark, Im sure you look Beautiful!! God Bless!!
ReplyDeleteYour hair looks pretty brown too!! Ur gorgeous as a blonde and brunette!! :) Yeah, I mean If you think about it. If they love you, the way they should. No matter what girl comes in their life, they will always think of you.. I am still hoping mine realizes it, because I love him like you love yours.. :) I hope It gets better for both of us. But as long as God has me, hey I am right where I am supposed to be..:) Love ya
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