The Lord knows the desires of my heart.... He knows the list I have made of the perfect man.... which is so funny to me because the guy I want so much is defiantely not perfect or close to the man i made up on a piece of paper. I desperately need your wisdom Lord. I do great in my relationship with the lord until my past pops back into my life. Which is why I need some guidance.
Every time he waltz back into my life, Its always on his time. He is the one who always makes the INCONSISTENT appearances. I know that this is not what God wants for me. My friends and family have told me to move on but its hard because I just want to have hope that he will end up growing up and maturing and realizing that when there is someone who loves you so much with unconditional love...and you love that person back, but you can't seem to settle down or figure out what is holding you back from being with a girl you see yourself being married too...... MAYBE JUST MAYBE....those feelings are there for a reason and we are back in each others lives for a reason.... and a guy will try and try and try to find every explanation to push that idea out of the window. I've heard guys say this before too. They have that girl who is the perfect one and you know how great she is, but they assume they have time to mess around because THE PERFECT GIRL will always wait around. WHich is not true... yeah, we wait for a while... but it definately gets old and eventually we do move on... FOR GOOD! I think that if you know how much someone loves you, why would you feel the need to wait if you know you love them back.... you either love someone and you want to be with them... or you dont! END OF STORY! Guys say that we girls are the ones who make things so complicated.... we might, but they do the junk that makes us make it complicated. Then act like they don't know what we are talking about when we tell them what they did wrong.
We ended up fighting about everything...about the fact that you can't tell a girl shes everything you want in a wife and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I told him he cant really expect me to not think that what he said is a way to try to work things out and start hanging out more. THen he said we're not dating...im single... i dont have to talk to you or see you everyday! He actually said some very hateful things to me... which started to make me see him a little differently... but still its like the rejection just makes me want to fight more to make sure I flip the tables. It works... i do start threatening to be done for good and then he grabs and is like your gonna be done OVER THIS!???? hahahahahhaha wow......
I just know that if we were on the same page.... OMG....i'd marry him tomorrow.... but we arent! I had to tell him that.... yeah... i wanna be with him and all....but not right now... if things ended up being different and he started loving jesus more.... itd be on!
I told him that too.... and he said well why dont you just let God deal with all of this stuff! UMMMM EXCUSE ME...... i have been.... i was doing great until you showed back up! Things happen for a reason... i don;'t know what that reason is.... which is why I need for you to show me God..... you know what I want in a man...and you know the man I want.... so please show me the way or the way out if I need to go a different way!
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So true!! :) I have been told the same thing by my love. Saying that same thing at the beginning, and as soon as we start to go straight. We get stopped, and he goes the other way.. He wants to still play, but he needs to realize. He is 25, and not getting any younger. After girl after girl, what will he do if he loses the one thing he always wanted to come back to?? Mine is so.. Frustrating. To hear. Your what I want to come home to, the one I love. But that's not good enough, I need him, all of him. If thats not what he can give me, then he needs to let me go. I love him, as much as you love yours. But I want a happy life, and I want someone to love me like I deserve to be loved.. My gma prays that we will work out, but Idk anymore.. I just don't. It hurts to love some one so much, and feel like strangers get treated better and shown more compassion than me. I want to feel loved, like any other girl, person wants..:) You need to come visit!! :)Have a good night!! P.S Say a prayer for me and mine, and I will do the same for yours. Always in need of more prayer.. :)
ReplyDeleteur amazing (: wow this post really hit hard. wat is the name of the book u sed about? wud love to read it. and yea i think sometimes we think certain things will go one way but our thoughts arent the same as Gods.. God bless you and have a great day hun (:
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