Today is mothers day!!! This weekend has been a complete eye opener for me. I have always been thankful for my mother and to have her.....but it reminded me of all the people I know who don't have a mother around anymore. INCLUDING.... my ex...... as a christian woman and as a friend, I felt like I needed to let him know I was praying for him today. I can only imagine how hard it might be for someone to watch all of their friends go home to be with their own mother on this day. This idea probably wasn't my best ever but I hadn't really talked to him since the last time which was in march and I was and am kinda ready to just move on and get past the weirdness and be friends... no matter how much he might not appreciate me as a person or friend or even as someone who cared about him for so long....I am still required to love my neighbor as myself by the Lord. I still love the boy and care what happens to him anyway. And God is gonna do what He wants.... and i'm at the point in my life where I up ready for whatever God wants to give me. I believe He has given me the strength I need to be friends with that guy and to be a godly example for him as well. Whatever Gods will is...I'm gonna follow it. I'm fine without him in my life.... but it would be nice to still have him as a friend and if God permits it to be more than that ever again...will be up to him.
ANyHOW..... all i did was text him and I said "hey bud...just wanted you to know im prayin for you today!" and that was it... see just a harmless friendly text right!??? little did I know he would call me after that! but he did..... i don't know why... but all he did was make me realize he's not the kinda guy I want or deserve.... He's still young and irresponsible and immature and in his party stage. Just observations I got from the conversation we had. It also made me realize... he wouldn't take me as a new godly woman... serious. I haven't really talked to him since I've been baptized in the spirit. But at the end of the conversation, he said something about stopping by my apt before it gets too late. HAHA I CAN"T BELIEVE I AGREED.... but at the same time...I know I am strong enough now to say no if he tried anything.. and if I know him still..... HE WILL.... I just got off the phone with him an hour ago... so we will see if he even actually shows up. I don't want to talk about anything from the past with him... because I want him to see how much I really have changed. I also know that for so long I've wanted to be the one to turn him down and say no to him.... which probably won;t happen because he probably won't ever call to come over. I honestly am mad at myself for even answering the phone when he called... because its like my hopes kinda get started back up again.......all i wanted to do was text him and i thought i'd just get a text back sayin thanks...... i tried to get off the phone with him like 5 times and he kept bein all like... why are you tryin to get off the phone?? ha wow......... I may have made a big fat mistake by textin him in the first place.
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