LISTEN...and be amazed!

So I will start with last night and then lead up to today...
Last night, I was feeling a little down and plus on top of that I felt like crap and so I thought I looked like crap! I started to get really insecure when I was looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn't stop thinking of things like "why can't i just be skinny??" "why can't I love myself??" "why can't I have whiter teeth??" "why can't I be more tan??" Then I started boohooin.... BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I LOOK LIKE!!! I began praying for God to help me to love myself the way that He loves me... And to see myself the way that He sees me..... then..... when I closed my eyes and started thanking Him.... I HEARD HIM SAY.... 'WHEN I LOOK AT YOU..... I SEE BEAUTY!!!!!' it was such an amazing moment!!!!! It was the first time I have heard God like that!!!! Everyone always talks about how they heard God say something.... and i had always felt the nudges on my heart and I've always known certain thoughts were not mine.... BUT THIS.... was the first time I heard God say something to me!!!! ANDDDDDDD while I still worshipping and thanking God.... MY EYES WERE STILL CLOSED and this bright light started shining and I heard God speak to me again.... He SAID..... EVEN IN DARKNESS YOU WILL SEE MY LIGHT!!!

AHHHHHHHH I am just so AT A LOSS FOR WORDS!!! God truely is such an amazing experience and I knOWWWWW that I am nothing without Him! His spirit is with me every where I go... I don't have to be scared of anything... OR ANYONE!! ALL I HAVE TO DO is TRUST HIM! I am not going to lie.... trusting is such a hard thing to do ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS SOMETHING/SOMEONE YOU CAN'T SEE! But That is why its called faith... and LATELY I;ve been called to read my bible more than ever before!!!! AND HIS WORD is so much more faithful than any HUMAN mans! His word is the only thing that matters and THE ONLY WORDS THAT ARE TRUE!
This verse just got stuck in my head last night as I was getting to know MY JESUS.
2 timothy 3:16 says this: All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right.

It was so weird because I always hated reading and always thought " why do i need to read my bible if I have a relationship with God?" BUT THAT VERSE quickened me and Told me faster then I even thought the thought!

THE TRUTH IS..... that WE ALL FALL SHORT... we all have insecurities and EVERYDAY we all battle SOMETHING... whether it be drugs... a bad family life..a bad relationship...alcohol...insecurities..porn...school... being broke constantly...I DONT KNOW... but WE ALL STRUGGLE! I just wish that SOME PEOPLE would stop being stubborn or prideful! STOP THINKING THAT NOTHING CAN HELP WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH....AND WE ALL need to press on and pray for God to set us free of and deliver us from these worldly things. HE CAN AND HE WILL. The POINT GOD WANTS US TO GET when we go through these things... when we start falling out of control of our lives and of ourselves is that HE IS IN CONTROL... not us! He wants you to call out to Him when you are having those nasty thoughts that the enemy brings to your mind. He WANTS TO TELL YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE and He wants to tell you all of the plans He has for you! :) Its pretty wild when you get to know The Lord more and more... Its almost unbelievable STILL that there is so much love He gives and no matter how bad you mess up... He's always going to be there with open arms!

SO ANY WAYS... I could just talk about the Lord forever!! lol
But anyyyways this morning when I got up, i completely had no idea I had to work.... I just wanted to go to the doctor and figure out what the heck is wrong with me!!!!!!! UGHHH Well as I am pulling up to the doctor I see my work schedule and realize HOLY MOLY I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK RIGHT NOW..... welp... so i start tryin to call work and for about 30 minutes I tried to get ahold of someone... no ones answered... So i wait...... because I know that someone is bound to call me when I don't show up. I am waiting for my prescription to be filled when Caroline calls! BLESS HER HEART... I would have hated me If I were in her position. "I have the flu... i can't come into work." Ohhh she sounded like she was so mad... and I FELT TERRIBLE!!! She said ok let me see if I can find somone. So about 15 minutes later she calls me RIGHT as I was leaving the doc and asked me if I could go ahead and come in because she can't get anyone to come in! ANd I had too to go anyways because my heart just felt so terrible for putting her in that kinda position! I feltttt like CRAP but I felt like crap for doing that to her! LUCKILY caroline is an awesome woman and had someone come in early for me so I could leave!! Thank the Lord because my voice is half gone and I hate listening to myself talk... my throat is killing me.. and this cough HAS GOT TO GO!!!!!!!

I have small groups tonight and I really want to go.... and I know I;m sick but I am going to cover myself with antibacterial stuff!!!